Ever since he was a wee babe, my 8 y o has never been much of an eater. He prefers to snack and mostly on sweet stuff at that (pregnancy-related cravings can NOT be blamed for everything). He was never much of a feeder as a newborn, just a happy little vegemite…would get his little fill and be done with it. As a toddler, he was always in the lowest percentile in terms of weight…which believe me, becomes the bane of a mum’s life when all you want is for your kid to be healthy. I would have given my left tit – nipple included – for a bonny chubby little munchkin. But he is what he is.

All through his early years he was never very tall and certainly never had many folds in his little arms. Which can work in a girl’s  favour when you only have to buy clothes every two years and shoes even less frequently. I like to think of it as investment shopping ‘you’ll grow into it’ I tell him when the sleeves of his shirts almost reach his knees. ‘Nothing wrong with a little room to move, love, that’s what all the cool kids wear’. Fortunately for me, I have a very pliable young son who just nods in agreeance and wears whatever I tell him to.

He’s pretty much weighed the same for the past two years and has only really begun growing upwards in the past year. One day he’ll catch up, I tell him…just so long as he keeps eating them greens. So, you can imagine my horror when my whippet of a child came home and told me a kid in his class – who has been bullying him most of the year – told him he was fat. He was just about to get in the bath and stood there, staring down at his belly asking me why he was so fat. ‘What?!’ I was like that kid in the Exorcist. ‘Who told you that?’ ‘This kid in my class told me I was fat at swimming today.’

It took all of my strength not to march down to the school the next morning, pick up that little Twerp by his ear and force feed him a plate full of brussel sprouts.

‘No love, you’re not fat and nor will you ever be’ I told him in my most reassuring of voices. Shitballs, I mean really? Twenty-three kgs is fat? For an eight-year-old? This kid needs a whole lot more than glasses…he needs a personality transplant, quick smart. I thought it was only women who picked on each other about body image. But today, there are almost as many young boys suffering from eating disorders as there are young girls. And this, people, is where it all starts…bullying.

Fortunately for Twerp brain, the school term is about to finish and hopefully he goes away on a long holiday and his parents decide to send their little sausage to another school…in another district…or better still, another state. I’m a great believer in standing up for yourself when someone’s yanking your chain but this one did go a little far. This kid has been taunting him for most of the year – and despite this child’s overachieving (that’s not mine, but the Twerp’s) he wins the school cross country, the girls love him and he takes out most of the school prizes, what a shame he hasn’t got a nice bone in his body to match that handsome little face.

If you see a suspicious looking woman lurking in the carpark with a bag full of brussel sprouts…it’s almost certainly definitely not me. Promise.

Love n hugs, Lady Mama G xox