Forty Shades of Me…

Drew Barrymore, Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron, Milla Jovovich…and me. What do we have in common I hear you ask (other than our supermodel good looks and heaving swiss bank accounts of course) we all share the same birthday. Well not the actual day but we are all Year of the Rabbit which I’m pretty sure is why Ange and I get along so well or at least I imagine we would anyway.

Like my fellow bunnies, I’ve never been one to simply let a birthday pass quietly, which is why I have been celebrating the entire week…and will continue to do so well into next week (when my actual real bonafide day of birth falls…(the 10th for deliveries) and maybe even the one after that.

I love me a celebration which is why tonight instead of letting it slip on by into the universe like another Justin Beiber hit, I’m tackling the turn of my decade so hard it would make Ansastasia Steele blush.

Sure I’m not as fit as I once was the last time I turned over a new decade. Sure a weekly intake of KFC skin takes about ten times as long to work off  as it did then. Sure there might be a few more ‘life creases’ making their way across the corner of my eyes but battle scars they are. Each one has been a reminder of the decade that has been the most challenging of my bloody life.

my gorgeous lil love nugget

my gorgeous lil love nugget

But by shit I’ve made it. I haven’t just slid in by the skin of my teeth I am galloping like Penzance towards the finish line of my former decade, taking a good swig of the Bolly on my way.

I’d like to say I care that my rig might not be as toned as it once was and maybe my hopes of a VS runway career have been hopelessly dashed but honestly…who gives a damn shit? Would they write on my headstone ‘Had great abs’…or ‘totally great thigh gap’. Nup. They’ll say ‘loved that shit’ and maybe ‘great fondness for KFC skin and chocolate’. These days my dreams are miles different from what they once were, in my old age I’ve discovered happiness is what feeds the soul and lucky for me I’ve got it stock-piled in fifty-gallon drums outside my garage.

IMG_0310

I’ve learnt these past 10 years how life can change in the blink of an eye and no money or material things can bring back a lifetime of love and happiness. I’ve learnt how I need to take care of myself, how to be a fighter. How to come back stronger than ever. How to keep on top even though the tide keeps dragging you under again and again. I’ve learnt that the greatest thing I could ever hope for, could ever hope of achieving is the tiny miracle I gave birth to a decade-and-a-bit-ago. I’ve learnt how a heart can break like shattered glass, how your feet can be kicked out from under you. How your body can work perfectly fine to create another life in one decade then continually let you down the next. How to ignore my own fears, grief and pain to get the one thing that matters the most in this world…family.

I’ve learnt it’s possible to open your heart and learn to love again too. I’ve learnt the love of someone so incredible your face hurts is all you need to get through today and tomorrow. I’ve learnt there are actual true and real saints in this world. And I’m lucky enough to share my life with one. He’s helped me heal and be a much better me. He never winces at the memories of a past life so often constant but yet so integral to us. With a heart so big, so open and so generous that it heals not just ours but other folks’ lives too, constantly giving and helping and caring. Who makes you so proud you want to high-five and side ankle-kick all at the same time.

Always by my side...

Always by my side…

It’s love, friendship and sometimes just an ear of the friends who have been there an entire lifetime who make your heart full.

I’m lucky even though don’t share Ange’s portfolio of chateaus in the South of France or Drew’s ET memorabilia to have the world’s best friends and family who are all sharing in the turn of my decade tonight. People who’ve left their families, work commitments and homes and travelled across Tasman seas, across states and across bridges to help me celebrate a decade that I’ve fought harder than Mike Tyson to make it through. I love you all more than words. More than KFC skin even.

This is Forty Shades of Me…and I’m proud as shit….love n’hugs Lady MamaGxox

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